Sometimes, its sad to see, how much my life has changed over some decisions..

Drastically changed.. :)

I regretted, dissapointed and mad at myself.

But after everything, now I'm having confidence on myself that 2012 gonna be AWESOME ONE for me :)

Countdown for the difficult-long-trashy-crappy year to end!!

Scared

I don't know why I'm scared to see what's gonna happen. 

Only if I have a time machine or whatsoever, 
I wish to go back to my baby life, cuz cuzzz
*I wanna see my baby picture, I think amma missed it*... pfft!!

                                   


Seems like I don't have any other choice when the only choice given was OPTION A..
FML!
I don't undestand why all this shits happening ONLY TO ME.. ;(
If and only if I born earlier than 1991 or later than 1991.  :(

Depressed

Thinking about all the things that happened to me for past 2 days, its really hurting, at the same time making me feel depressed. 
Putting me as a middle person in all situation, is really hard and really stressful. 
Where should I go and what should I do? 
Most importantly, who should I listen to? 
Different people have different thoughts. Ish Ish.. 


Is that those advises showing that I have to twist my life to another pathway, plus now I'm in the stage whereabout to give up? 
Urgghhhh! 

I'm not strong enough to take all this at one time. 

COM'ON,  I'M JUST 20 DUDES!!

Time

Its December!
I didn't know time flies this fast, superb fast. Its stupid if I ask to rewind back times, memang I don't want! If can I dont want to rewind back what happened, either bad or good. 


December, last month of year 2011, lets see what it have for me.
2011, full of miserables and full of fun, maybe. 
Finally, another few weeks to start a new year again. 
I decided to come out from student's life for a year. 
Took me a year to make a decision, a very hard and tough decision thou. Another a month to go. 
And why now I feel like I'm on the verge of giving up, COMPLETELY.
I was way stronger all this while, but now I'm like giving up on all my dreams, on all my ambitions. 
I really need to motivate myself. 


Life's not as easy as I think, for all the things that happened to me, praying hard that something good will happen soon. *finger crossed*


Oh yeah, seems like my blog post for this year much lesser than last year.
Guess I'm more busier when I'm not a student. Haha. 

Crazy!!!

What for being so nice to them, when its least appreciated these days?

At the end of the day, all I know is I been fooled by a bunch of people.

Its so so humiliating.
But I glad that I still have some people behind me to tell that me that 
"SCREW THOSE BIATCHES"


I personally do believe in a word called KARMA. 
I just gonna sit back and wait, cuz I know GOD treats everyone fair. 

Random Outing

Random outing with random people.

It was wednesday, and a great day begun with a sweet lovely message from my dear buddy,  aneshaa =)

Yeah, she went back again to India on that Wednesday as well, couldn't send her back to India, but my best wishes is always there for her. And again another waiting session for another fabulous day out with her.

Anywayyyy, come back to my story. Finally I took initiative to go this college to look up for an answer what am going to do next.  Its more like I went for counselling session. LOL

Coincidently, Thenesha wanted to meet up so she company me to go this college, as she studied here before.

Then I ajak Kavin as well apparently he is way too free, as it gonna bored if both of us only and we would ended up in shopping I guess. Hee

 Kavin came to fetch and took us to Midvalley.  

We went Chili's for our lunch, its like first time am going there with my friends.

Awesome chilled out time with both of them, and many shots been taken. 

I am happy child and guess being pampered too much nowadays :)

After few hours, we walked out and start thinking what to do, when they came up to watch movie. 

A random movie choosed by Kavin, I'd say that was lamest and noob movie that I've ever watched in theatre. I keep disturbing Kavin and Thenesha when movie was going on, till Thenesha said "Vimala, behave yourself". Sucha Kid I am rite.. Pfft.

Annddd, time really flies when you're with your friends. Agree? 

But before we went back, atleast we done some shopping. Kavin dropped me in KL Sentral and that was the end of the awesome day.

I missing these moments and how I wish Dinesh and Anesha was here with us. When I took train back, I was flashing those memories when I was in Inti. Totally awesome and unforgettable moments. Those days never dies in my memories =))

I love them as much as I love myself. 

A day with them!!

Everything has its first time, same thing goes here =)
It was Friday, as usual I suppose to wake up, get ready and follow my brother to office, but seems like my brother understand that I have date with my friends, he left me in house and told me that he have some outstation to do. Anyway, I was terribly sick for past 2 days, maybe thats the reason he left me back home. :S

Yeah, the previous night, when I was skyping with my mates, Mohan and Kavin said they're coming to Klang and they ajak me out.

We just spent a lil while, like about 4 hours, nothing much to do other than sat at Old Town,  listened to all my stories, and went to my house lake garden, while Kavin is still under medication , and yeah STILL, its awesome day out because I love to be with them. =)

I am waiting for another awesome possum weekend in Genting with my fella mates. I can't wait. But still *finger crossed*, because  something might happen last minute. As I said, it always happens in my group.  

I am controlling myself !! Hehe..

We made it guys!!!

I can't believe am saying this again, 
but I have to say it out, 

I had a marvellous time with my best friend yesterday.

SKYPE with them totally made my day.
3 hours of skype session with them 
was hilarious and it was full of laughter.
Its totally awesome, ya'll know why?
Because after been ages, long made promise to skype together, 
it happened finally.
Haha =)

I love you all, so much ♥♥♥

I'm Back with Hell of Stories!!!!

Finally I found my way back to this territory!

HELL YEAH!!! 

Oh bloggie!!!

I'M BACK AGAIN!!! Haha..

So much things happenend for past few weeks, 

It has been ages since I last blogged.

Busy, busy and busy with family thingy..

Annnywayyy, being in Klang is superb AWESOME! Especially with my OH-SO-AWESOME  brother and sisters. Totally made my days. 

Annnd guess what, I'm totally free from any obstacles to meet my buddies who came back from Russia and India. That's the awesome part. Yeah!!

Segamat can make me feel like a lifeless person, buuuuut, home is always sweet thou!  

Plus to get permission from my mom, is superb melecehkan you know. I have to find a very, I MEAN A VERY valid reason to come out. Hee

Guess so much of changes happened to me recently, new look, new style and I got the way I want..
Image to be upload. Ngek Ngek =)

                Me with my new contact lens, but doesn't really like it thou..

Shall I write everything that happened for past few months?
Oh, it really gonna be a long post then, I shall summarise it. Memories after memories, flashing through my mind, and wish to be Inti Student again :P
GUESS WHAT!!??
My friend,  Dinesh Nair apparently went to NZ to further his studies, life's superb bored without him around, not much fun and  I thought of like I never gonna meet him after he went to NZ, well luck hits me, he came down to KL that's like 2 days before he fly off, and I got a chance to meet him after few months never meet him. Imma a happy soul when Kavin came out to meet us as well, anywayyyy its just few hours after he landed in Malaysia. Haha. Not much changes on them, only the same old people that I met in Inti 2 years back.


Since everyone is back for summer holiday, I've planned on some trip but yeah, *this always happens for me OR for my gang I guess*, initial plan always screwed up, I've planned on some trip but nothing is up yet, at the same time Kavin is undergoing some medication, so gotta wait for him till he's fine totally. 

Aneshaa is going back to India soon, so I really really need to go out with her. Let see what happens :S *finger crossed*

Come back to my personal life story.
What's happening with me?? Gahhh!!
Is effing tensed up when the day getting closer. I've already set 2012 is gonna be a year to start my real new life. Buuuuuut,  Imma an autocraft and digging myself a grave.
I've done mistakes, a very big mistakes indeed, should've listen to what my heart says.
Now, I'm someone who have to wait patiently and get to follow the flow.
I hope I will manage to handle all the situation just like how I passed this 20years of lifetime.
Life's full of challenges huh? Haha.
GOD, just gimme the strength to make true all my promises that I've made earlier.

So now while waiting for the luck hits me, I'm still working with my brother, being his assistant is awesome and totally cool to go out with him.
Doing office works is totally out from my mind, but yeah, I gotta do it so that everything doesn't philes up. Can say I'm more like a supervisor for those workers. Hehe.
I doesn't really find a way where I gonna end up, but I have the feeling, a tiny feeling that I actually find my way where I should end up.
Life's is much easier when you know what you gonna do next. =) 


So, tomorrow is 4th of August, planned a birthday bash for my Oh-So-Awesome brother, I know he will love it much. I can;t wait for family gathering, cousins gossip, late night talk with familia and the list goes on...

Allrite, its time to hit my bed, and tomorrow gonna be an awesome day for my brother. Whee!!!

I think I've said so much about life in this post, anywayyyy I going to end up my post with another saying, who cares rite, haha...

Life should be getting more and more interesting while challenges come along.

But please, not too excessive one or else I cant stand it.

Gosh!!

OH GOSH!!

It is a miserable day for me, don't know why I feels so. But its gonna be a very superb boring day eventhough right now its just 11.20am. 

I gotta think a way to make it interesting, yeap I am someone who can't sit quietly yet talkative. But imagine,  having a terrible sore throat, its killing me. 

Ok, let put this story aside.

Come back to our main story. 

As usual, I woke up early morning and I starts to feel that today gonna be miserable day when its all about I start missing all my loves. Lazying on bed and starts to miss all single people that I loves the most!

A while later, I carried my body came downstairs, saw my brother was waiting for me, then I told him, "I dont think I can make it to office, and sore throat is killing me, so you carry on first"..  After sent him off, I went took my shower and cleaned house abit here and there. My sister came down, she checked out her lappy, took breakfast with her.

Ya today I purposely took leave just to accompany my sister and perhaps will plan some outing with her later on. Outing always make me exited eventhough am kinda sick.. LOL.  


Yeap, missing my loves! SO MUCH.. 
Perhaps when I start missing someone, somehow rather, I can see them online or either they will call me
My dad and my mom, oh no! I just met them like 2 days ago, this is like so fast, Vimala. Fuhh! 


My hommies!!  Faster do something on our dates. I freaking wanna lepak with ya people!
Its like whenever I miss those crazy fellas, I look back at those pictures and comments in facebook, as that can make me happy and laugh my ass off. 


This is what happened yesterday. Like usual, I went online, and OMG I saw this fella who I missed the most! Kavin the atrocious + sweet dude of mine. Its really hard to get him online as he has much of chaos to do, but yesterday I were lucky person. Hee.. 
My stress reliever, Kavin been my back through all this while, and ya till now eventhough thousand miles keep us apart. I appreciate his advises. My Anne lar he !!!
Oh God, I missed you Piggu!!


Dinesh the another fella who I am waiting to smack his face asap!!  Anyhow Dinesh, you were just right that lifes is not about what other people thinks about you, its about what you thinks about yourself. You was so true!! Now, I realised it. Thank you Dinesh. I can't wait to have table talk with you!

Anesha, semakin lama semakin cantik like flower lar she. She is so reconnected with me, so do I. Gotta catch up with her.. =(


Thenesha, more like my sister. I loves her to bits. Can't wait to meet her, and stories!! There is never less but more & more stories when being with her. She such a sweethearts lar!!

        Its unspoken how much I miss you guys. Totally rocks!!

                               I loves you ppl !!! 

Off - some!!!

I know myself haven't update my blog much and its because I don't have a patience to sit down and write down my thoughts. I am really lacking of time. So much of stuffs to do, but badly HAVEN'T TOUCH ON ANYTHING YET!!!


Currently listening to Devathai (Angel) by Sasi The Don ft Jaclyn Victor..


Yeah, this time its gonna be a long long post. Been a while since I post something here. Like I said, I was busy. *damn typical reason, I know*


Firstly, all I wanted to say that I really really having awesome means I really meant EFFING AWESOME!
They're SUCH A SWEETHEARTS..


Whose friends are always there when you're in trouble, calls you, consults you and say with a comfy voice "Everything will be fine", whose friend cares when you're in dilemma, whose friend spend their precious times to talk with you as soon as a message you send to them by saying "I need to talk with you", whose friend send a birthday card all the way from another country because for them you're a part of their family, whose friend really understand how desperate you are to achieve what you really wants, whose friend teases you like nobody's business, whose friend calls you with all kind of weird nick names "Coconut, Cow, China lembu, Vimmy, Momo..." and whose friend makes you realise that you're 20 years old, you have to do everything by yourself, not depending on others because he believe that you're capable to do anything by yourself and yeah whose friends is there for you, always? But mine does. A part of me.
My hommies. Truely, deeply, and madly in love with my true friends.

A card, all the way from India, planned by Aneshaa and Dinesh. I really never expect this from her actually. I surprised with what she have done, because till now nobody does this to me.
Those courage words, makes me feel better whenever I read the card again and again. She is such a sweethearts =)
And yeah Dinesh, who really insists to ask my house address, *am not joking* I thought he really wants to come my house. That is the reason he asked for my house address.  LOL. The way he said, really made me so.
An undescribable smiles, unspoken words, makes me go Awwwww ...




EFFED UP
Then, when thinking about the most important thing in my life, I'm totally screwed. I don't know whether what am going to do gonna makes them happy, but it will makes me happy. Am I a selfish person? Erm..
Because I believe, at the end of the day, I'm just alone without anyone, even my shadows will stop following me in dark.
I tend to forget what they have said, but I will never ever forget how they made me feels. 
Ya, this is something I wanted to say,
       "Nobody really cares when you're miserable, so you might as well be happy"

I really could feel that am not happy AT ALL. My life is not moving on the path that I have imagined. 

...and at this time, the worse part is when the person I have faith on, and I believe he could help me because ONLY HE can supports me, dissapointed me!  

All he can said was just, "I don't know" 

Eff, eff, eff!!!!

For now, I realise a thing that, not all the time we'll feel lucky,  sometimes life is fucked up, and it depends on some people how they want to change the way it is. 
So do I, thinks really hard just to make everything abit interesting. Hee 


I'm not giving up till I get what I want, am not the person who loves to be controlled and moves according to other people's instructions. 


Its time for me to get up all by myself, start a new journey, achieve what I wants and ya of course I have to say " its a show time", to show that I'm capable to do anything and EVERYTHING!

Miserable, am I?

Rains keep pouring,

just like how I feels right now.

Cold and super duper moody.

I can feel the emptiness inside me, 

living in a total darkness.

I can hear those mind blowing songs, 

as that is the only thing can calm me down.

I can't see anything as am living in a very dark, dark hell.

and how am I suppose to choose which pathway am belong.

Where is my those high, prestigious dreams??

I scared, I worried.

JUST BECAUSE AM

ALONE,

can I make my dream come true, 

can I pass through all this pain and all those hard times by myself?

I have to do something.

Let the history not to repeats.

I have to be very patience.

Because I knew someday my dreams will come true,

as I will be given a chance to prove myself,

to say that I am not an ordinary person, but

EXTRAORDINARY PERSON.


I have to make a very wise decision.
A decision that can make myself happy &
my parents happy. 
Hand full of choices has given to me.
I have to choose wisely 
so that there is no regretness, and only
HAPPINESS.

I have to be BRAVE and CONFIDENT,
so that I can face every single obstacles. 
I have to do something for myself, and not for others.
At the end of the day, whatever I've decided,
I have to make sure am happy with it.
Because I realise a thing that,
ITS MY LIFE.

Angel

" Dream what you want to dream,

go where you want to go,

be what you want to be,

because you have only one life and

one chance to do all the things you want to do " 

O.N.L.Y M.E

At this moments,

I just want everything back.

Everything that belongs to me.

Those special moments that never ever fades away,

those laughter, those jokes, those night talks, 

those outings and the list goes on...

And, SADLY 

 only I felt this loneliness, nobody else.

I put a faith and told myself that

"everything will be fine, Vimala"

and I put a smile on my face,

but deep, deep, deep inside 

I still can feel the loneliness in me!

Sometimes,

Its hard to take away those tiny pain,

because YOU AND ONLY YOU

hurts it so many times and made it a huge scars.

But I can't hates you,

because of

 I LOVES YOU!

This feeling that hardly for me to find last time,

NOW,

its hunting me for every second. 

Am crying inside without anyone knows,

only HE knows.

I wish, wishh, just wishhh

there is end point for this loneliness asap.

But,

no matter what happen,

just remember I'll always by your side.

This is truly from my heart and

because you're my love.

I MISS YOU AND I LOVES YOU

 MY FRIENDS!!!

Puffed up

At this moments, I realise am just an ordinary person, just an ordinary person. I realise that I can't turn back those times and rewind everything again. I have to move on and stop regretting on what I've done. 

Like they said : Everyone make mistakes. So do I.

For the past 1 month, I've been in a world full of depressions and my mind was cluttered with unnecessary thoughts. I can't say that is unnecessary thoughts, its more like I don't have an AIM. At one stage, I was wondering what happen to Vimala that been very cheerful person? I don't know where am standing and could never think more than anything.
The feeling of falling down from a sky, hardly to breath and feels so suffocate makes me look like a zombie. lol
My life was stucking in the middle of everything and it was really hard to make a wise, good perhaps the best choice for me. 
And now undoubtly, I have made my mind and will always, ALWAYS stick to it. =)

Tears

                                              

I can't stop my tears.

Every single seconds am suffering.

Only tears can tell how hurtful this pain is. 

and am totally BLANK!!

Why among all, I have to face all this?

Why is me?

I want something that can make myself and parents proud, 

why can't I do that?

I doesn't mean to hurt you by not listening to you, 

but I can't let go decision that I made.

I don't want at the end of day I regret on something 

that I fail to do when I gt chance.

Maybe I made mistakes in past,

but that can't say what I gonna be at the end.

I don't want all my dreams demolish just

because I don't want hurt you all. 

I cares for your feelings, and NOT MINE.

Maybe you all will be happy, but I WILL NEVER!!

I don't know whether am being too choosy 

or am being too selfish in this matter.

SELFISH, STUBBORN and ARROGANT 

words that had chosen for me. 

I felt it and only GOD knows me well.

You all are just thinking to settle problem in fast way,

and NEVER THINK ABOUT ME.

Myself will never give up as easily as like that. 

I will stand behalf myself. 

Its a promise.

Valentine's Day

GOSH! It has been quite some time after I posted something here. Blog left abandoned, I know that but I do regularly check ups aite. :D

Annd here goes a very lovely yet sweetness day ever, VALENTINES DAY!!

Am always the most exiting person on this day eventhough, EVENTHOUGH I am still available *take the point* But I had spent my whole 20 years Valentine with the best people ever :) I love ya'll.  

My beloved family and awesome friends is my Valentine for this past 20 years. 

By saying this, will I have a someone special  that I have to start be more lovey-dovey on next Valentine?? Oh crap!!! Haha. *Vimala, stop dreaming*

Moreover, am loving this sweet day even more when mommy started to tell all our childhood stories. Awwww, mom was just making me to miss my childhood moments It was superb awesome when those times rewind back. Faughts with siblings, "settai" (naughtiness) that we did, fun that we had as in when we were together in a room, those pillow fights, marvellous times with cousins & the list goes on, makes me totally taken aback. I wish I'm still a small kid now!!

I loves my siblings soo very much. My childhood times is not complete without you all. Lotsa loves *xoxo*

Till nw, Vimmie going to hit the sack in abit, because I can't resists my eye bags :D

Despair

All I can say for now is

'AM SORRY'

I know what I've done.

I realise that mistakes.

I know you believe in me, have a full faith on me

but what I've done just that

broke everything into pieces.

My heart shattered into pieces.

The truth is really hard to accept, but that is what

HE gave me.

I controlled my tears, and told you 

"ya, am fine"

But inside am crying my lungs out.

Just wanted to have someone beside me

to tell what I felt and cry out loud!

Gazillion times sorry is not enough,

I know that

because the pain that you felt, I feels it too.

And now, I've lost the confidence 

that you had on me.

I lost it!

Am wondering, what shall I do now

to recollect back those shattered hearts?

Eventhough I know you'll 

forgive me because you do loves, and do cares

BUT........

there is always scars left, which

will always makes me feel bad.

You keep your faith on me,

its all my mistakes that I never hold that promise :(

Am really sorry.

Can I gt one more chance?

Stupendous Trip

I've had, The time of my life,
 I Never Felt this way before,

I swear, This is true,
& I'm Holding on to you.
♥

All I wish now is get back those precious moment and experience it once again. Can I?

Last weekend was a remarkable days that filled with joy and laughter with my long lost friends. 
Couldn't express how happy am I to see all those faces again and recollect back those laughter.
I was totally exited when those fellas came up with gathering. Like Duh! I love it. 
The most hardest thing for me in my life is ask for a permission from my parents especially my mommy, but after bugging her life for days, finally she allowed. :D
Saturday I took bus to Seremban and it was kind of Dinesh who waited for me in Terminal 2. It has been months since I saw him. Missed him. 
Then met with Kavin all, went to PD with them. It was a wonderful and fascinating journey. I felt the same havocs that I got it last time. 3 days 2 nights was awesome days, and was happy moment for me.
Time spent beside beach and those night talks just made my days. 
That could be my memorable and lovely holiday. Its because I felt so loved and feel being in home with my family :)
I was waiting for months, and finally it came, enjoyed much and felt soo heavyhearted to say another goodbye again.
I wish I never want to say GOODBYE to my loves. But am just an ordinary person and can't never change the fate that all this is just a while, but those memories will never fades away even after centuries. :D
Now am back to my territory, rotting in house, missing every single seconds in that 3 days, and now another waiting session arrived for another lovely holidays. 

*Wish we are like the series "How I met Your Mother". 
Dinesh, Kavin, Aneshaa & Vimala  *
I know this will never happen but after this whenever we meet up(after another 8 months), sure will have an extraordinary holidays :)

6 Jan 2011

A day to remember and I hope this could the FIRST and LAST! *finger crossed*
FYI, currently I'm still an ILLEGAL DRIVER on road since am still in process of taking my car license.
Due to that, I gt my ILLEGAL TICKET (SAMAN) today... Ishhkkkk!!
I was traumatised after the scene of gt caught by JPJ,
I saw on Saman Paper, "Vimala Devi Subramainam" "kesalahan : membawa kereta tanpa lisen".. uuurrrggghhh!!
I've never been in this situation before, and my mom told me, "get used to it" since am going to sit for my driving test next week. I can't wait for the day so that I can be a free bird and can drive legally on road. Wish me luck peeps :D

Welcome 2011. Back off 2010

Whee! AM BACK to my territory. It feels good at last I can post something here after abandoned my bloggie for I guess 1 MONTH!! Hee
This is the first post for the year 2011.
Finally in a blink of eyes,  2011 had reached the door of mine and for everyone, and it should be a brand NEW YEAR! 2010 ended with so much of memories. Memories that never fades.
And 2011 another year for me to create a lovely and sweet memories with sweethearts and awesome friends.
Unlike rest of years where I had so much of resolutions, this year I only had ONLY ONE , that is GET MYSELF IN UNI FOR MY DEGREE!
I've decided what I going to do and now its all depends on my results where I should end up with.
 *finger crossed*
Talk about new year eve, I had such an awesome family gathering with all uncles, aunties and cousins were gathered and said cheers together. This was my first time celebrated a new year in such a way. Relatives always means alot for me, especially those FUN, LOVE and LAUGHTER with them. At the same time celebrated my aunt's birthday which fall on 31st. I had marvellous time being with them.
Hope this year gonna be a wonderful year for all of us and yeah hope I start being an obedient girl in house. Lol!